Catch that boat!
Just last week, EP and I attended a friend's wedding, held at a hotel poolside. It was quite a lovely place, nicely decorated, good-looking setting, and a stage where the groom (and his friends) eventually performed a couple of songs, much to the delight of the evening's crowd.
We knew the groom back from the days in the NUS Guitar ensemble, where we used to be a member of (and where I still teach as a part-time tutor) and though I cant say we know him very well, we'd at least kept in contact (as we'd a group of common close friends, also from the club) and even travelled overseas more than once together. So it was nice to be invited and to see him ending his bachelor days for good. Also, it provided another opportunity for old friends to catch up and talk about our lives, our work, our kids, and what have you.
In our table of 11, there were 4 married persons (including EP and myself, and 2 other guys who did not attend the wedding occasion with their wives) whilst the remaining 7 were all single - and available. It struck me that the "single's group" were also the ones still very much active in the guitar club (possibly with the exception of one gal, but she still kept in regular contact with the rest as well). Most of them had graduated at least 3-5 years ago (which means they either hit their 30s, or are getting very close to ), have good careers and (in my opinion) are interesting and attractive people. Yet, none of them were attached - at least not to my knowledge.
It felt to me that there might be a link - between the fact that they have all remained so active in the guitar group, and the fact that they have not been able to get hitched. (haha, some of them may scowl at me after reading this blog, but hey, it's just my opinion, so too bad =P )
In a way, having a group of friends with common interest and whom you are comfortable with to turn to and occupy your time every weekend - be it over a guitar practice session, or an overnight mahjong game - seemed like the perfect substitute for going out on a date and spending time (and money! haha) with a romantic partner. Afterall, it's much easier to be with people you are so used to, week-in-week-out; furthermore, you can totally "be yourself", and not over-analysing over what you/your partner say, what you wear to go out, possible rejections, embarassments, uncomfortable and awkward moments - all of which are common worries and emotions associated with courtship/dating, especially in the early stages of the relationship.
I even have a suspicion that even if a romantic spark does occur within this group, they (ie. the individuals involved) would still find a way of extinguishing it, just to maintain status quo and not risk upsetting the nice equilibrium that has been established for so many years. Of course, that's just my speculation, and given the fact that the group is mainly made up of guys, the chances of that (read: any romantic relationship) occuring is pretty minimal. Still, that's how I felt the group dynamics has evolved into.
Don't get me wrong, this group of friends are amongst my closer group of pals - since I am a self-confessed classical guitar freak - and I have nothing but fonds feelings for them all. In the unfortunate scenario that this group of guitar enthuaists decide to leave (or even disband) the group -however unlikely it is for now- or stop playing guitar altogether, I would definitely for very disappointed and sad. So to me, in a way, having things stay status-quo is really not a bad thing.
However, clearly I wish for them to also "move on" with other life priorities, and that means not just in their work & career related aspirations. Normally, I wouldn't consider myself an "ultra-traditionalist" when it comes to family/social matters, but I still believe that in our Asian society context, building a family is an important part of our lives. And the first step in building your own family is to find that special "someone" to start the building process with.
By always taking the "safe" route and staying in one's comfort zone - e.g. keeping to the same group of friends in every weekend's activities - it diminishes one's chance of meeting that special "someone". And much as I'd love to witness some spark within this group of friends, I have to admit the probability of that ocurring seems remote, at least for now.
Given that each week, after the hassle and tassle and/or the mundane weariness of our weekday jobs, we'd only have so little time to rest and relax (weekends flashes by in an instant, don't you think? ), it is true that any attempt to participate in new activities - which inevitably leads to expanding one's social circle and contacts - must also inevitably lead to a greater or lesser extent in withdrawal from one's usual activities, and some people believe it will thereby result in an erosion of the friendships and bonds. Taken to its extreme ,the end results can be pretty devastating and sad (as proven by someone whom I once considered a "good friend", but who has since left our cohort without wanting to leave behind so much as a trace and a contact).
But it doesn't have to be that way, does it? Much actually depends on how one manages one's time, and I definitely believe that if you have passion for doing something, it will not matter if you 'transit' from being single to being attached, married or even becoming a parent.
The same can be said of friendships.
Conversely, by choosing not to take that important first step ( which often takes you out of your comfort zone) or simply by procrastinating for too long, you may just miss the boat and the golden opportunity to find that someone special.
You'd never know when the next opportunity in life will come along....
We knew the groom back from the days in the NUS Guitar ensemble, where we used to be a member of (and where I still teach as a part-time tutor) and though I cant say we know him very well, we'd at least kept in contact (as we'd a group of common close friends, also from the club) and even travelled overseas more than once together. So it was nice to be invited and to see him ending his bachelor days for good. Also, it provided another opportunity for old friends to catch up and talk about our lives, our work, our kids, and what have you.
In our table of 11, there were 4 married persons (including EP and myself, and 2 other guys who did not attend the wedding occasion with their wives) whilst the remaining 7 were all single - and available. It struck me that the "single's group" were also the ones still very much active in the guitar club (possibly with the exception of one gal, but she still kept in regular contact with the rest as well). Most of them had graduated at least 3-5 years ago (which means they either hit their 30s, or are getting very close to ), have good careers and (in my opinion) are interesting and attractive people. Yet, none of them were attached - at least not to my knowledge.
It felt to me that there might be a link - between the fact that they have all remained so active in the guitar group, and the fact that they have not been able to get hitched. (haha, some of them may scowl at me after reading this blog, but hey, it's just my opinion, so too bad =P )
In a way, having a group of friends with common interest and whom you are comfortable with to turn to and occupy your time every weekend - be it over a guitar practice session, or an overnight mahjong game - seemed like the perfect substitute for going out on a date and spending time (and money! haha) with a romantic partner. Afterall, it's much easier to be with people you are so used to, week-in-week-out; furthermore, you can totally "be yourself", and not over-analysing over what you/your partner say, what you wear to go out, possible rejections, embarassments, uncomfortable and awkward moments - all of which are common worries and emotions associated with courtship/dating, especially in the early stages of the relationship.
I even have a suspicion that even if a romantic spark does occur within this group, they (ie. the individuals involved) would still find a way of extinguishing it, just to maintain status quo and not risk upsetting the nice equilibrium that has been established for so many years. Of course, that's just my speculation, and given the fact that the group is mainly made up of guys, the chances of that (read: any romantic relationship) occuring is pretty minimal. Still, that's how I felt the group dynamics has evolved into.
Don't get me wrong, this group of friends are amongst my closer group of pals - since I am a self-confessed classical guitar freak - and I have nothing but fonds feelings for them all. In the unfortunate scenario that this group of guitar enthuaists decide to leave (or even disband) the group -however unlikely it is for now- or stop playing guitar altogether, I would definitely for very disappointed and sad. So to me, in a way, having things stay status-quo is really not a bad thing.
However, clearly I wish for them to also "move on" with other life priorities, and that means not just in their work & career related aspirations. Normally, I wouldn't consider myself an "ultra-traditionalist" when it comes to family/social matters, but I still believe that in our Asian society context, building a family is an important part of our lives. And the first step in building your own family is to find that special "someone" to start the building process with.
By always taking the "safe" route and staying in one's comfort zone - e.g. keeping to the same group of friends in every weekend's activities - it diminishes one's chance of meeting that special "someone". And much as I'd love to witness some spark within this group of friends, I have to admit the probability of that ocurring seems remote, at least for now.
Given that each week, after the hassle and tassle and/or the mundane weariness of our weekday jobs, we'd only have so little time to rest and relax (weekends flashes by in an instant, don't you think? ), it is true that any attempt to participate in new activities - which inevitably leads to expanding one's social circle and contacts - must also inevitably lead to a greater or lesser extent in withdrawal from one's usual activities, and some people believe it will thereby result in an erosion of the friendships and bonds. Taken to its extreme ,the end results can be pretty devastating and sad (as proven by someone whom I once considered a "good friend", but who has since left our cohort without wanting to leave behind so much as a trace and a contact).
But it doesn't have to be that way, does it? Much actually depends on how one manages one's time, and I definitely believe that if you have passion for doing something, it will not matter if you 'transit' from being single to being attached, married or even becoming a parent.
The same can be said of friendships.
Conversely, by choosing not to take that important first step ( which often takes you out of your comfort zone) or simply by procrastinating for too long, you may just miss the boat and the golden opportunity to find that someone special.
You'd never know when the next opportunity in life will come along....
posted by 北海道的大黑熊 at 9:21 PM
3 Comments:
Believe me lor, I have on more than 1 occasion asked the Gambling Demon and Divo on what in the world is preventing them from getting romantically involved. Though seriously, from what I know of those 2, I think they set a pretty high (and different) standard (and I don't think they are the ones that will change their lifestyle).
But the interesting news is....Ruby is still single and AVAILABLE? My....kakis would be quite glad to hear that... :)
If Gambling demon and Divo have set pretty high standards, I suspect her standard should be also v high (or even higher!).
But for her, I believe she has quite a large social circle of friends to mingle with, hence chances of getting to know that someone is higher.
That's more than what I can say for some of the others. heheh
the problem with those 2 is that they are waiting for a girl to chase them. do me a favour, help slap the back of their heads whenever the quartet meets to wake up their idea.
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