Monday, July 20, 2009

Focus on the Family

Dr James Dobson's segment on "Focus on the Family" is another section on Today papers which I seldom miss. He talks mainly about children issues and challenges faced by parents - those of young tots, to those of teenage kids. But sometimes he also dwells on relationship issues between husband and wife.

I find his articles pretty poignant and accurate, and sometimes even enlightening. For example, in today's papers, he talked about what keeps a marriage going, and he mentioned that for EVERY married couple, it is inevitable that the initial passion and accompanied feelings of love and adoration will fade with the passage of time, as well as with changes in one's life focus and priorities. This I kinda of knew and expected, for any adult would instantly know that fairy tale marriages (ie. everyday is lovey-dovey, and filled with love and passion) only exist in the movies, which also explains why some people love these romantic movies, since they can never find such occurences in reality. To be brutally honest, it's a form of indulging in escapism. But then, so am I when I watch those monster and sci-fantasy movies, where people can shoot lightning/laser out of their fingers, and fly or teleport across time & space. (yeah, I AM aware that those things cant really happen in real life. That's why I watch the movies, to get my kicks lah...)

Okie.. back to James Dobson's article... *ahem*

What surprised me a little was the fact that he also went further to say that there WILL be times when you feel less-than-concerned about your spouse, even to the point of irritation and total disregard. These strong feelings of (possible mutual) incaring-ness is "normal"?? Well, apparently so, according to the expert.
So what keeps a marriage from going kaput then? According to Dobson, it is down to the "will" - that is, the mindset that says "I'm commited to this marriage. I've made my vows, and I'll make it work".

This is something which I suppose many (especially younger) couples will not subscribe to, since it's much more tempting to choose the - I shalln't say "easier", but certainly the more "direct" path and then decide, "We both feel it isn't working, so let's end it and move on in search of a new beginning. Let's not be like the olden days, where people suffer and bear it. And for what?? Life is too short not to enjoy it to its fullest." Divorce no longer comes with the kind of negative social stigma as it used to anyway.
This line of thought can be appealing, I must agree.

** You know, come to think of it, It's almost like playing a computer role-playing-game and when your character loses a major fight (typically with a big, bad-ass monster), you choose to press the RESET button on your computer and reload from the last save point; rather than to take the downside (usually loss of experience points, or gold, or equipment, etc.) and come back again for another go at the monster.

Only thing is: Can you truly RESET your life? I mean, the emotional experience that one gains with each day's interaction with one's spouse (or to a broader extent, to one's family and friends) is hardly worthless. Every small bit (be them sweet, tender moments, or intense irritation and annoyance, or simple bo-chapness) adds to the wealth of memories which is irreplaceable and to me - invaluable. One day, when one reaches the end of one's life, these are the things that count, more than anything else.

So yes, call me old school! =)


Blogger Wai said...

Yuck. You're quoting another guy who is a proponent of sequestering women at home in their "God-given role". I sense a trend here.

That said, I don't disagree with most of what has been said in this post. But given this guy's track record, I'd really like to know where he draws the line. Should a woman stay committed to making it work with a domestic abuser?

12:03 AM  
Blogger 北海道的大黑熊 said...

haha.. I could say the same about "sensing a trend" to your comments, Wai. =P

My question is, why should there even be a "line" drawn in the first place? In my opinion, the dynamics in a marriage should evolve just as the couple's relationship would also naturally evolve with time (and age).

So... if a woman really wants to stay and "make it work" with a wife beater, because she loves him after many years of marriage, so be it. The same goes for a man who's under mental torture from his wife who humiliates him constantly in and outside of home.

10:49 PM  
Blogger Wai said...

Well that is the way rational people like you or me think things should work, but often not with the conservative Christian right.

3:45 AM  

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